Okay.....so it has come to my attention that my life is not my own. My Blog is now dead....and will not be updated. No emotions, no feelings, nothing. Thanks for visiting. Click the link below and you can see what the rest of my life revolves around.
Vortex Members Ride Page

Well.....I'm back into my senses as much as I ever was....so that's a plus.

You want to know what scares me? My counter on this page reads over 400 hits.....and my life sucks. I fall asleep reading this shit.

Well.......I would have written sooner, but I lost access to the internet for 2 days because of some dumb ass problems with RCN and the bank. I'm back. Yeah....I'm sure anyone who reads this really missed me.

Megan was home this weekend. I love that girl....but she was supposed to bring me a nice freshman. Evidently, I just missed her as Becky (her roomy, we've talked) left the day before. Ah, you know, I think I'll live.

I just took this personality test and it came up as me being an accountant. Did I ever mention that I hate accounting? If not, then I just did.

And the worst part is this, beyond my next statements....my weekend was so bad.

Saturday night, at Rookies, with Kev and Joe, and the old phone rings. It's Paulie. So, since Kevin is getting old, we left him off and headed to Lehigh, where two out of three of my best friends were smashed. It was so much fun though. Hearing 2 drunk people and Paul, who's insane, sing Last Carress at the top of their lungs at 1:30 am on the South Side of Bethlehem is classic. No cops, no problems. Then, off to Denny's. Moons over my hammy baby.

Sunday.....I thought the program sucked....but this cute little girl came up to me after I sang "The Dance" and asked if I was on Cat96. She says, "They play that song all the time and the guy on there sounds just like you." It was so cute. Anyway.......my song with my friend Mel was great. She has such a good voice, smoking and all........It was cool. From what I heard.....a lot of people were crying. I didn't think we were that bad. :P

Di cried....as she sang. What a sap. Still, she was good too.

And that was it....work was work...and I work at 4 am this Friday...what fun. Night all.

Still quite out of it. My head took more of a hit than I initially realized. My mind is okay, but I get quite dizzy and end up having some pretty bad headaches if and when I don't take it slow. I'm not driving right now, which sucks for me. Beyond that, there's nothing in my life worth reporting on, so anyone who actually reads this, it may be time to cancel the subscription.

JOe: Hey Dave....jump on...I'll give you a ride.
Dave: On the trunk?
Joe: Yeah....
Dave: Duh...okay

Two minutes later, he shifts into second and turns the corner as I fly off the back....sliding on the ground and pounding my head into the hard parking lot.

Joe: Are you okay...? Oh shit....
Dave: Yeah, I'm okay, I just need.....nope, I'm not okay

At this time....I'm laying in the fetal position on a bed of stones......blacking out.

Yep...never ride on top of a car.

And this is how my night ends.............I've got a lot of work to do with my life



hoth2omkIV: Jackie.....in the long run, I do really regret anything I've done to you...not only because you're a great friend and
I should have never done that to you, but also because I know this is not me.
hoth2omkIV: I wish I could find myself sometime soon...life may be easier then
MustrdPlg0: i dont know where that is coming from or why but ok
hoth2omkIV: It's coming from me....okay...so I'm no angel....but I'm pretty sure that most of the time your general opinion of me is not one of great flattery
MustrdPlg0: well your a guy
hoth2omkIV: And how many times did I try and convince you that I was not that kind of guy?
MustrdPlg0: many but you failed at it
MustrdPlg0: it


I'ts not 10 after 12 and I realize that she's not coming back and that it wasn't AOL kicking her off.

If you read this.....just know that for most people...thinking of me in this way is not possible....I refuse to be this guy.

So from what I understand, I need to clarify some things. First, when I get mad, and upset, and am on the verge of tears....I say some things that I don't need to say. As far as I'm concerned.....I have not done anything to anyone within the last few months that one could characterize as "fucking over." Sure, others will dispute this, but in my head....as derranged as it may seem, in the long run, I did the right thing.

Next.....I'm not mad at anyone but myself. I'm mad I believed what I heard, what I felt....and what I thought. That was my mistake and I won't be making it again anytime soon.

Why would one have a fund for a ring? These days.....I don't know. So, I thought, for one fleeting moment, that I had made the right decision, the mature decision, and this was way back in May. At this point, I regret two things. First, I regret ever believing the words that led me to that and I regret being me......and someone else.....and that person I don't like. I haven't been exactly myself....life has been weird and confusing, but for one moment, it was nice to have something figured out.

So.....I'm not going to get bitchy....I'm not going to get mad.....instead, I'm doing what I seem to do best as of late.....crying.

It's not the choice....but the method.
I cannot hate what I do not know....I cannot love what I cannot feel.

I can't help the way I feel...tomorrow will be okay.
this is my december
this is my time of the year
this is my december
this is all so clear
this is my december
this is my snow covered home
this is my december
this is me alone
and i
just wish that i didnt feel
like there was something i missed
and i
take back all the things i said
to make you feel like that
and i
just wish that i didnt feel
like there was something i missed
and i
take back all the things i said to you
and i give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
give it all away
to have someone to come home to
this is my december
these are my snow covered dreams
this is me pretending
this is all i need
and i
just wish that i didnt feel
like there was something i missed
and i
take back all the things i said
to make you feel like that
and i
just wish that i didnt feel
like there was something i missed
and i
take back all the things i said to you
and i give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
give it all away
to have someone to come home to
this is my december
this is my time of the year
this is my december
this is all so clear
and i give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
give it all away
to have someone to come home to

So what do you do when someone you love is dating a guy who you're not too sure of? Hmm....I don't know what to do...I'm sure I'll say something sometime. Anyway, my little cousin has moved on, sort of, but I can't explain that right now. She has found Josh, a smart guy with a decent life, drum skills for his punk band, and an interesting outlook on religion. The thing is, the more he says, I can see it, the less she can handle. When expressing thoughts with Erica, one needs to be calm because she can be upset easily, but I think only her family knows this. Needless to say, when I left, it looked as though she was on that verge.

Volleyball: Us 2 them 1. We win. Whoo hoo.

Kevin and I tore apart the kitchen today to cook chicken and spicy hash browns. Tow guys who think they can cook, a small kitchen, and conflicting ideas can equal disaster. But, it didn't here. The food was rather good.

I spent the night with dear old Erica.....I know I can always talk to her. She gave me an idea, but I'm not really up for it right now, but maybe later. Then I met her new boyfriend and we went to grab some Ground Round mealage.

Back to the house for some 151 and then to her apartment. This is where the discussion comes in....and this is where I sign off.

Oh, and she misses Paul and is going to call him. Also, Carrey is more fucked in the head than I ever knew. Whoo hoooo.....damn the cute ones....they're always fucked.

Kristin, if you read this, you're not fucked up, nor was I saying you were. The things in my head at the time were what was fucked.

Let it go
It was never yours.....
Let it be
it will go away
Let it hurt
it makes a man out of you
Let it sting
we all have that
Let it end
because it will come back
Let it die
breath its new life

I can't deal with certain things in life....so i can ignore them, forget them.....lie....or best yet, keep it bottled up till someone pisses me off to the point where he/she gets the best I can serve up. I choose the last one like always.

You know, it's not even how I feel, it's what I know, what I lose. ISO new best friend. That may sound awful, but, well, reading one's Blog would make you think otherwise. I don't know that I have ever been a pseudo-friend, but hell....what ever makes you happy in life, go for it, and fuck it if it doesn't fit everyone.

Yeah.....and the worst part is that I can't get rid of that fucking empty hole in my gut......it's eating at me. I want to say so much, but casual hellos and goodbyes leave little room for conversation. How about this....."Oh, yeah, and by the way....did I mention I was in love with you?" Yeah..so that never happened. Bob is right, love is for dependants.